To my neighbors dog:
Please tell your owners to get you a leash...or one day you will find yourself under the wheel of a Jeep Grand Cherokee...and no...I will not stop to see if you are ok
To the Subway at my job:
I'm pretty sure there should not be flies hanging out on the tomatoes and turkey....unless...now you season your subs with flies
To Metro:
This summmer all you have done is take upwards of $40 dollars from me every week...you are never on time....you speed from station to station as if you were in a nascar race...and half the people who work for you are alcoholics or drug addicts...i feel very safe knowing you shuttle thousands of people to and from work every day
To tourists/ summer interns:
You piss the living hell out of me....the left side of the escalator is for walking...stand on the right....don't pool around metro doors...trust me..there are 7 other cars to board which each have 3 doors ...do the math, you have a lot of doors to choose from...please don't stand in my way looking dazed and confused while staring at your pocket size metro map...i'm trying to get home...and could give a lesser shit if you ever make it to the Smithsonian stop or not...
To my boss:
You are a very confusing person...if you are in a bad mood because you can't find daycare for your son don't take it out on me..just stop being cheap and enroll your son in camp...regardless of if you give me work to do...i am still getting paid...so umm just go on and ignore me...im getting a sweet paycheck at the end of the month
To the lady at my job who always has to be first to get on the Ride on Bus or the Metro:
Wait your turn to get on the bus/metro...i guarantee there is room for you...one day either I or someone else will shove you out of the way and I sincerely hope your face eats pavement...and then...maybe you will learn to not shove people out of the way at 7:38 in the morning who are trying to board a bus that is going to them to work...
P.S stop wearing your cheap K-Mart looking pants suits and get rid of that horrible Bloomingdales bag...
To the people who decide to take a piss at the bus stop:
Simply put, smelling and almost stepping into your urine at 7:15 every morning is not cool....please find yourself a bathroom....or at least...go find some other bushes to pee in that are nowhere near where i stand
