New Years Resolutions

1) Start smoking

2) Gain 20lbs

3) Become an alcoholic

4) Sit on my ass

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Note to God

Dear god....

i know we haven't talked in a while....but if you can um....help me pass this orgo test...i'll take back every mean, sarcastic, and sacrilegious thing i have ever said about you or religion in general....k thanks

xoxoxo courtney

...ps did i ever say how cool you are

Finals = BLAH

Finals =

sleep deprivation

unhealthy eating

blending of days

TONS of coffee

Honesty...

Honestly, if everything were to end tomorrow, I don't think I would be that upset....

Possible Story of my Life

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/09/AR2009120904546.html

Great Words

"The unexamined life is not worth living".

-Socrates

24 hours of positivity

So starting last night a little after midnight, I decided to spend the next 24 hours being a positive person. So usually I list things that annoy me, why I hate my life, or things I hate. Instead today, I am going to write about the things in like I enjoy.

1. Sunny days

2. My room

3. Running along the Schuylkill river

4. Light dusting of snow

5. VM, FK, MY, LW, AH and the other people I got to know while at SJC

6. Chipotle burritos (def with extra rice)

7. Dunkin Donut Latte's....why pay more for a cup with a mermaid on it

8. Driving in the car alone and singing aloud to the radio, despite the fact that the people next to you might give you funny looks.

9. Face to face convos with people

10. Penguins, koala bears, and wooly mammoths

Virus

Virus on my computer the night before a research project is due = courtney wanting to jump off a fucking cliff. FML

FAIL

courtney + orgo + 1:45am - drive = failure

Fear

So I have this completely irrational fear of the unknown. It seems to manifest itself in my everyday life. Now how to combat this so I won't ruin things?

Rob Thomas = Amazing

Listing....Again

Things I am Over

1.organic chemistry and science in general

2.fall semester junior year

3.spending my breaks doing work

4.not being able to run

5.hiding emotions

6.bipolar-ish people

7.chipotle burritos (although i will prob go there later this week)

8.writing/researching for my term paper

9.holidays

10.coming up with a 10th thing to say

101

So far this past year I have posted over 100 things about my life. So I guess this will serve as a summary.

1)I hate yet love my life.

2)I hate Penn/ school is hard

3)I am hopeless in some areas of life, but I am okay at that.

4)I always talk about taking chances but I seldom take them.

5)I have a love hate relationship with my family

6)I'm pretty passive agressive

7)I ____ a _____ _______ on _______.

8)I believe in myself

9)I love watching trashy television on VH1

10)I don't think there are 10 things I can say about myself

1 hour and 2 min

So as I'm writing this, I have 1 hour and 1 minute left until thanksgiving is over. So i think i've figured out what i am thankful for, my crazy sometimes psychotic somewhat dysfunctional family. To anyone I talk to, you have heard stories of my family and now that the above description is true. Despite the fact that sometimes I can't stand them and they annoy the living crap out of me, I still love them and want them in my life. Because honestly, they are the people who have been there for me the longest, and will always be there despite the fact I might screw up sometimes and not want to be around them. I know this is soo cliche....but it is true.

So happy turkey day...

Believe

So I think I finally believe in myself. This past weekend I ran a marathon. The thing is I told no one about this for fear of people saying, "oh you can't do that" or "you def won't finish". I know this seems depressing but I actually have "friends" like that. Then I ran into my friend on my way back from picking up my stuff, and he basically said he BELIEVED that I could do it. That night I decided to run the whole thing, despite only at the most running 12 miles. We basically motivated each other through the 26.2 mile trek, we opened up to each other, and learned a lot out about it each other (I mean we were together for over 5.5 hours). So it took completely exhausting my muscles/ destroying my knees/ the possible stress fractures to get me to believe in myself. At the finish line we both basically broke down crying. Not because we had just exerted ourselves for 5.5 hours but because we had accomplished something we did not think was possible. So, to Lemuel, thanks for your motivation throughout the whole race. I WOULD NOT have finished at all. Maybe it has been my negative energy that has been holding me down for so long. I need to change that right away, and I mean maybe I need to move away from the friends who are negative/ who I feel don't really care about anyone but themselves. However, for once, it was great having someone say that I could do it, and that I would succeeded, and completely squashing my negative energy.

I feel that running this marathon was one of the most defining moments in college so far. I know 30 years from now I will always remember yesterday. I also hope 30 years from now the two of us will still be friends and still be running marathons.

I now have a new running/ marathon buddy. I can't wait to heal up and get back to running. We will most def be running Philly again in 2010, along with the long distance run a few months before that, and possible another marathon before that.

Impossible is Nothing

I just ran the freaking Philadelphia Marathon...26.2 miles!!!!! Thanks to my friend Lemuel for keeping me motivated. Today proves that NOTHING is impossible. If I can run a marathon, anyone freaking can!

Lessons from Tomorrow

It is not the clothes that make you look fat, it is the fact that you keep putting that fork/ spoon loaded with food into your mouth.

I came to this conclusion while staring at my reflection in the mirror and noticing that I have a very unflattering figure due to the excess amount of bad for me food that I eat.

Lessons from Tonight

1.The flu is one of the top thing horrible things in the world

2.A plethora of cold medicines can cause hallucinations

3.Translating Arabic for an hour is as fun as having you toenails pulled out one by one

4.Some of the people you least expect are soulful and overall amazing

5.Three little birds can fix your day

Lessons From Last Night

My tolerance is no where near where it used to be. Only the Philadelphia police would respond to a noise complaint, considering a bijillion things worse than drunk and loud college kids, were probably occurring all over the city.

Convo with mom

Mom: So are you going out tonight

Me: I don't know, I might just stay in and study/ do work.

Mom: Well okay, but if you DO go out, be safe and have fun.

Is it that hard to believe that I might want to stay in and study on Halloween?

Good Day?

It's funny how the little things can make your day.

???

So apparently people no longer care what I say and feel obliged to speak for me. You can't even ask me how I feel? Seriously, I'm not five anymore. Or is it that your too afraid to ask because you already know the answer to your own question.

Metaphor

Metaphorically, a lot of us need to grow some balls.

Ha

Everything you say I am, I'm not.

12:01

New Day...time to start over

Life Lesson #103

Loosing faith in yourself in one of the worst feelings ever.

Please

It is so simple. It will take about 10 minutes of your time. You already have what you need. Just do it, please.

Perspective

I feel at times we all believe everything is gone and our lives are a pile of shit. Then something happens that can put life into perspective. So I might hate Penn, be stressed out by the classes, and had to work a couple extra hours today; but I guess all that matters is I am still here. This def can't be said for all. So RIP, you did so much good in the world. Thanks for being proud of me and giving me the attention I never wanted, but secretly enjoyed. You definitely spread your love to all, and will be missed by all too.

Blunt

*Scream*

Decisions decisions decisions

Jam to Michael Jackson v. Orgo

The choice is obvious

_____________________

It ___________ when you _________ a __________ because some of those __________ are what you _______________ to occur in __________. But because _________ are _________ you know it will _____________ happen.

FML

I've only been in school for a week and a half, it has felt like a bijillion years. May 2011 can not come any faster.

Tear Jerker

Today in Borders, I opened up a MCAT test prep book and started to cry. FML

Pre-Sex Prayer

Via lemondrop.com I found this strange/ interesting article. I'm really curious as to how many people would actually do this. They added an excerpt from the prayer:

It asks God "to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes."

Now how many people would actually do this. I think the last thing many people would want to invoke before sex would be god. How awkward would that be if you had a partner who was an atheist or Buddhist?

Here is the link to the full article:

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/09/03/catholic-church-offers-pre-coital-prayer/?icid=main|main|dl3|link5|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2009%2F09%2F03%2Fcatholic-church-offers-pre-coital-prayer%2F

Conversation with Dad

The 3Oh!3 song "Don't Trust Me" is playing in the background.

Song: Shush girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
Dad: What does do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hair mean?
Me: (in my head) they said hips
*Awkward Silence*
Dad: Is it one of those young people things.
Me: Ummm, I don't know, I don't think it is supposed to make any sense.

I have found a reason to live!!!

And his name is shopping penguin. When I grow up, I want to be exactly like him. Hopefully this is a boy penguin. I wonder how you tell the difference between a boy and girl penguin. Hmm I should prob google that.

Leave Michael Alone

The man can't just rest in peace...can he. SMH

Dear....

Dear Rednecks in the condo next door to us,

Barbecuing inside of your condo is a bad idea. The lighter fluid fumes you are creating will seep through the vents and into our house. Thus is why you are given a backyard. Please barbecue out there. If you need help, I will be more than willing to assist in the movement of your charcoal grill from inside your house (where it should not be located) to the backyard. Then you and your redneck buddies can barbecue as long as you desire.

Sincerely,
Your Loving Neighbor

bored...

Can't
Overdue
Unless
Really
Trying
Nothing
Excepting
Yodeling

Tomorrow

What I have to teach at work tomorrow will be an epic failure....FML

Compulsive Liar

It's funny how you think you can know someone but you really don't. I have never really understood why people constantly lie about their lives and then rely on others to back them up. I mean, being a compulsive liar is not, let me repeat not attractive. It is actually pretty sad. Is your life seriously that boring? It can be, from an outsiders perspective I think you live a pretty cool life. But seriously lying about stuff such as your heritage, how much money you have, or the realness of your body is pretty sad. I bet people would still like you for who you are, even without the lies.

This song has been stuck in my head for a week

I Hate...

People who buy clothing for their dogs...seriously?!?!?! Put your money to better use.

Life Lesson #71

Never ever in your existence work with children and teenagers, they are the spawns of satan.

Summer

So I finally have my summer back. My class ended yesterday! I still have work everyday, but that should be easy. Now I am looking forward to laid back saturdays, nights on the deck reading, and relaxation.

Life Lesson #19

If you ever wrong somebody, always apologize. It is the right and nice thing to do.

Today

Today I figured out a majority of my life problems boil down to one simple thing...

and it only took me 19 years and 8months...(technically minus 2 days)

Which Way to Go

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

#2

I am extremely self-conscious...this may be due to the fact that I have a very attractive sister or a handsome brother, and I am just blah. I feel like this all started when I was little and my parents constantly telling me I would get fat one day, (umm and cause of that I lost like 20 pounds in 8th grade by practically starving myself...happy mom and dad) and they continue to do it today. However, that did not fix my problems because I still felt like shit about myself. Sadly that has carried on until today. So I know I have kinda let myself go over the past couple months (which is partially due to me hurting my foot in april and not being able to run for three weeks when I had previoulsy been clocking 21-25 miles a week), and I know I need to fix that. And I will. However, riding my ass about it and making sly comments about it *cough cough dad* does not make things better. Another thing is my face... I swear to god I have the acne of a 14 year-old. Which because of years of popping zits and pimples has resulted in my forhead looking like the craters on the moon. Right about now, the only thing that will fix that is some heavy duty laster treatments, which I willl never cough up the money for, so I guess I will have to live with it. The thing is I am fine with it, it is not like I am trying to impress anyone. I guess now I need to focus more on impressing and being true to myself and then begin to give a shit about what other people think of me.

It is pretty funny (or quite possibly very sad) that I can see the attractiveness of everyone around me, but not of myself. I really do not think there is any attractiveness in me (I know self-gloating). Or maybe it is that attractiveness is an internal trait caused by you feeling good about yourself. And then this "warm fuzzy feeling" would become apparent in your everyday, and people would notice. Wow, I think I just solved all of my problems. Well not really, cause I guess I would have to inact these new found revalations.

#1

This summer I feel like I have begun to learn more and more about myself. For some weird reason I always have these reflections while eating a plum, showering, or Wikipediaing (or is it Wiking or maybe just Wiki) random stuff. So maybe this will be a summer installment.

#1 I am a very selfish person
Okay, I don't mean selfish like I won't share my laptop, iPod, or money with you; I mean selfish as in I enjoy my time and don't want to share it with others. This is probably the reason I have very few friends (possibly?). But I feel bad for my friends who do have to deal with all of my shit (i.e. Not returning their phone calls or ignoring them on facebook chat). I really love you guys, and you know it. Okay but honestly my time is what I value, even if this time is spent alone, sitting in my floor. I am content with that. I do not always neeed to be ripping and running or hanging out with people. I know I might be pissing away my life slowly and alone, but I'm fine with that. However others, especially my parents, seem to hate that fact. Why, you may ask. Maybe they think I am a lonely friendless person? Or coul it be the fact that when they were my age they lived active social lives (I'm pretty sure by the time my mom was 20, she had already met my dad). Wow, if my mom had met her future husband by the time she was 20, I am way behind the 8-ball. Who knows. But the bottom line is I am almost 75% content with the somewhat intersting (which others might view boring) way that I live my everyday. Of course it would be cool to change it, and add in some crazy adventures, but for now, I will live in the boring day to day, that is my everyday. While I may not be exstatic about my everyday,I am sure as hell content with it.

Hmmm....I wonder how many times I used content in this thing.

Content

I might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'm still have my place and have yet to break.

Day 1 of Dealing with Children

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO

At least I am not 6'1'' and a 300 pound fatass....lmao

Uggggh

courtney + physics = extremely epic failure

Life Lesson #38

Never constantly be more that 1 hour late to meetings that you plan yourself (and when you get to the meeting late give some lame excuse). It gives your employees a reason to talk about you behind your back and dislike you.

FML

Today i left work early and was too lazy to take the stairs, and instead rode in the elevator, which then proceeded to get stuck. After waiting for fifteen minutes, the fire department/ maintenance people pried open the elevator doors. This thing started a 3:40 (i was leaving work 20 minutes early), by the time I got out of the elevator and walked through the front doors it was 4pm. If i had taken the stairs, I most likely would have been out of the building by 4:30. FML

:'(

courtney + physics = epic failure

Currently

I am broke
I don't get paid until the end of June
I guess I won't be hanging out with my friends for awhile.

Life Lesson #93

Never pay your bus fare using a combination of nickels and dimes...it takes forever for the machine to process the coins and people on the bus get pissed of because the driver waits for you to finish and then closes the door and drives on.

No AC :'(

The AC in the upstairs of my house is broken. Which means it is hot as hell. The last couple of nights have been filled with little sleep because of the god awful humidity in Maryland. My only option has been to open the widows, put the fan on highspeed, and think of the snowstorms in Philly this past winter. Luckily it is raining now = cool weather. So, I'm sitting in my room, windows open, listening to the thunder, and listening to the rain fall (well not really I have my iTunes blasting) and praying to god the wind does not shift dirrection and blow the rain into my room. However there is something calming about the current breeze and listening to the thunder in the background.

Accomplishments Thus Far

[insert list here]

FML

Target

Today I went to target, and while checking out the cashier gave me the strangest look. Okay so i was wearing a pair of over sized Westpoint sweatpants, a Hilton Head Island Sweatshirt with paint stains, and a pair of tennis shows. Or maybe it is because of what I bought: shaving cream, a pack of M&M's, and the new Green Day CD. How is that strange. I needed my music fix, I was hungry, and I need to shave my legs. Jeez

Classic

Him and Richard Pryor were probably two of the best comedians ever. Today's talent has nothing on them.

...

that is all I have to say

countdown

I have yet to fail a final....
My scary comp. lit. prof actually gave me an A-....
Now, time to learn some history and Arabic...
then...

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

Relationships

[put story here]

I'm almost 20.

FML

Yea!

Yea finals! Yea caffeine addictions! Yea no sleep!

In 2 hours and 39 minutes, I will be in hell aka my chem final exam. Fuck finals.

Life Lesson #51

When you make a promise to someone, you need to keep it. Even if someone else is pressuring you to break it, you need to be steadfast.

FML

I am currently sick...and have a final exam and paper due on monday...and another final on tuesday...FML

WTWCD

When the World Comes Down has to be one of the best ways to describe my life over the course of the past week. Like a million things have happened to me and people I love an care about. Which really sucks, but then I realized, it's all apart of growing older. Shit happens. Now what you do with this shit is what matters; you can either use it as fertilizer and plant roses with it or wallow in it. For now, I am going to try and plant flowers, and make the best of things. I always know that I have 4 people I can tell anything to, and like always they will listen and help me through these shitty times.

Do the Stanky Leg?!?!?!

My little brother made me aware of this new dance craze sweeping through our nation's middle schools and high schools.

I'm still not over him....

T.I



amazing parody

Thank God

4

Why I Can't Wait till Summer

1.I will be back in my own room, in my house, in the middle of nowhere
2.I can sleep on my deck all day long
3.I can grill up some amazing ribs and bbq chicken
4.I get to hang with my lil bro/ go on crazy adventures with him
5.I get to chill with my amazingly cool friends who do more than drink their asses of, complain about their lives, or make themselves better than others.
6.I can hit up that awesome lil Chinese place in china town with Katrina
7.I'll spend all day running around various parts of DC, MD, and NoVa, only to end up in one of my friend's houses crashing and just watching a movie
8.I get to host/ go to cookouts!
9.I get to go back to Mississippi for the first time in like 5 or 6 years, just long enough to get into touch with my southern routes.
10.I'll be in the only place I've only ever known as HOME, with the 4 people who will love me despite my bad attitudes, constant failures, wanting to give up, and the fact I never call them.

Liver

Dear Liver,
Thank you so much for holding up through three days of non-stop drinking. I promise you will get a break for the next couple of days. However, you must be in tip top condition for the end of classes. I love you so much and keep metabolizing alcohol for me.

Your biggest fan,
Courtney

Aversion to Listening

What I've noticed about some of my friends here is that they have an aversion to listening. They have a tendency to sit, whine, and complain about their lives, relationships, one night stands etc. However, being the somewhat friendly person I am, I give them advice and listen, no matter how boring what they are saying might be, the amount of work I might have to get done, or the fact that I have heard the same story about a million times. However, when it is my turn to talk and bitch , they are quick to steal the fire and go back to talking about their life, start texting/ reading old text's on their phone, or saying be right back and going to talk to a group of their friends. But despite all the stuff they are doing, they are still "listening". So if I did the same thing how would you feel? Like really? It's just annoying hell. It kind of shows the self-centered nature possessed in everyone (my self-centeredness comes from writing a post bitching about this and you guys). Seriously, it shows a lot about both of our characters:

Me
-I am a pushover, because although I may be bored in the middle of your story, I remind you that I am interested, and despite the fact that I may have heard the story a million times or just don't care, I will pretend to.

You
-The fact that you enjoy listening to yourself bitch and moan is annoying. The fact that you only like to have your problems solved truly shows how self-centered you are.

So I always thought I had some true blue friends here, maybe I don't. I mean at least my friends from home will listen and give me a chance. It might just be the competitive selfish, cut throat nature of Penn, which drives us to be these self-centered assholes. Who knows

Life Lesson #28

Surefire way to lose friends and alienate people...go out with a jackass

Countdown

T-Minus 24 fucking hours till the best 3days of this whole damn semester.

Hahahaha

Life Lesson #56

Never learn a foreign language for fun.

Top 60 ghetto black names

why is Courtney number 1?

Easter

I actually got up and went to church this morning. Go Me! But as I was sitting by myself at church, I realized that I kinda sorta missed my family. And then I realized, Easter has evolved from a holiday of celebrating the resurrection to spending time with your family. Although I didn't go home mainly because I have a test on Monday combined with the fact I am not the biggest fan of religion and such, I should have gone home; just so I could be with 3 of the 4 people who will always understand and love me, regardless of how much I might screw up in life.

Pre-Med

So being pre-med means you want to go to med school, right? Yeah
But the path to get there is hard as hell. You have to go to the best college, get the best grades (3.7 science 3.8 overall), you have to do scientific research, complete hundreds of hours of community service, and be involved in every extra curricular activity on the planet. However, if you are not able to achieve this, you spend four years in college extremely stressed, doubting yourself, and wanting to give up. So AMA, you have created a generation of quasi-suicidal over achieving ready to throw a friend under the bus generation of young people. They want to give up on their dreams because they can't get an A in that science class or might possibly get a B- (oh god) in calculus. How can you go to sleep at night. I am curious the number of college aged students who have committed suicide over something like grades or not being able to achieve these high standards that are set.

So the reason I am on this rant has to do with some of my friends. One of my friends is an engineer (who prob when he sees this will be like omg...you wrote about me lmao), another is a bio major, and final one is a former pre-med now econ major with dashed hopes and dreams because of the shitty advisors at this school. For starters, we are all in a similar boat and according to AMA there is no way in hell that our asses will get into a credible medical school in the United States. Regardless, we all have this passion and drive to be docotors. Maybe I couldn't memorize the fucking layers of a tree (I still don't know how this is relevant to being a doctor), or my friends wasn't the best at friction forces and trajectories, and my other friend just could never get blackbody radiation down, but at the end of the day we never gave up. So shouldn't that show something, Mr. AMA, we never fucking gave up. I feel like the determination and persevernce we put up, says alot. Hopefully in two years, we all will be heading off to medical school, because our respective med schools will see that over four years we never gave up, improved, and ultimaelty have the drive to be doctors.

Life Lesson #16

You know you don't like someone, when you constantly have to convince yourself that you do.

Why I Shouldn't Drink

So I have had a pretty shitty couple of weeks, always studying and never going out. So the other day I decided to go out and drink. That was a problem. After 2 mixed drinks, with about 2 shots of vodka per drink and 3 shots (which were made of this really tangy fruit stuff that went down soo smoothly),I was gone. The night included attempting to teach people to "Walk it Out", although I still don't understand what is so hard about it, and a one women dance show, to the likes of Brittany Spears and Beyonce. So after the party some of us go back to my friend's apartment and watch tv. I get tired, and tell my friend I just want to take a nap on their bed. Ha...I was out and woke up at 9:30 the next morning, only to find my friend sleeping on the couch.

Moral of the Story:
1. The aforementioned friend in this story is amazing for not kicking me out of their bed.
2.Lo siento
3.Last time I do tasty shots
4.I'm not drinking till Fling

My life as a tv pilot

19 year young person who has her whole life with this fear of something which probably does not exist. Has a decent social life and a steady group of friends, a lot of whom are guys, but has a score of F- in the relationship department. After 4 years of being a somewhat semi-overachiever, she is accepted to an Ivy League University, which only destroys all her dreams, hopes, and aspirations and leaves her broken. After multiple failures and a tumultuous 2 years of colleges attempting to be a pre-med student, she tries to make the best of a bad situation, and attempts to enjoy the school she is stuck in and make the best of her life; although she will end up living in her parent's basement after graduating. Quite possibily, she will be a cat lady by age 26, while all her friends have amazing careers, are getting married, and or living amazing lives.

TGIF

I made it to:

FRIDAY!

Where I Want to Be

I don't know the answer to that. I sure as hell don't want to be in Philly at school. Home in MD is somewhat boring. But, until I graduate I really have no choice. I get to shuttle between these two places.

No Comment

I'm back in the land where people...

... don't wear spandex with short shirts to show off their unsightly figures
...insist on walking around in ugly sheepskin space boot looking things...aka UGGs
...not everyone has a those ugly single color bags with straps that range from beige-brown
...have blackberrys / iphones stuck to their face
...are chill, relaxed, and noncompetitive

i'm soo glad to be back in the DMV

How I started my morning

Don't be jealous

Finally!!!

I can finally get a good nights sleep. Tonight I am going to go to bed by 1am and not get up until 8ish for my class. Thank you Jebus!

Currently....

I am running on empty and can't sleep till tomorrow
I am unbelievably stressed
I am watching my whole world cave in
I am confused

Today

Today I am going to write a plethora of lists:

Pros and Cons of Penn
Why I hate my life
Why I love my life
My favorite colors
Why I should transfer
Everyone who has wronged me
Every asshole I have ever met
All the sly comments I have received while walking down the street minding my own business
My favorite foods
My favorite songs
The People in life i enjoy being around

Haiku (I think)

Early in the morn
Still in the afternoon sun
Dammit fuck my life



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Zodiac Signs

Although I am not a full believer, your zodiac sign tells so much about you. So today I was in Urban Outfitters with one of my friends and we started to look through the piles of random books and came across a zodiac one. Although not 100% accurate, it was pretty dead on. Apparently Scorpios are A+ bitches. Who would have thought. And are also very punctual. I have been told I am very punctual and almost a lil OCD when it comes to being on time. Anyway after looking up or zodiac sign we decided to look up the zodiac of one of our friends. But we only knew his birthday month, but not his sign. So the first sign we look at sounded like the complete opposite of him. So we moved onto the next sign which was an almost perfect match. So the question remains, is our zodiac really true? or is it just a coincidence? Or maybe it is the work of the flying spaghetti monster. He sits up in heaven next to God, Buddah, and Vishnu, and melds together animals and random objects, names them, and assigns ones for different lunar months! Wow, I really need to stop procrastinating,coming up with random non sensible ideas, and get back to the hell that is school.

*Side note: Scorpios also complain alot.

Let It Rock

This is the song that forever plays in my head as I am trudging down Locust Walk to all of my classes. It'd be kinda cool if this song played every time I entered a room. Having Kevin Rudolf and Lil Wayne around wouldn't be that bad. Maybe it would get annoying after a while. But until then, this song will be on repeat in my head.

I Will.....

subtly talk about it until it stops ruining my life../

Valentines Day

My Valentines Day involved work, running, grocery shopping, the library, nutty Neapolitan ice cream, msnbc's "lock up", and the Princess Bride. I know, I am a cool one. The only good thing that comes from this holiday is all the discounted candy I can buy tomorrow!

The only thing that irks me about Valentines Day, is the people who are determined to call this holiday "single awarness day". Just because you are not in a relationship doenst mean you should bitch about (i'm not in a relationship either, and I don't spend my day bitching/ complaining about this supposed singles awarness). Try and find something else to do, maybe next year will be your year.

I lied, there are actually two things that irk me: the lovey dovey couples who have to make a blatant show of their love and affection right in front of you, when you could personally give a lesser shit. It is not jealousy at all, just keep it in the bed room. Just because he is leaving to go to the bathroom and you will have to sit by yourself in van Pelt for 2min, doesn't mean you two need to have a 10 min make out session, just to have another one after his reutrn in three minutes.

Third thing, and I promise this is the last. I hate how on Valentine's Day they show all of the love movies about the loser girl or guy (played by an extremly hott actor or actress) who believes they won't be able to get the hott (guy or girl), but in the end they do. Umm, Hollywood if the world really worked like that self confidence issues would not exist, and there would only be single people by choice, not by looks, personality, etc. The world would be such a better place for myself and all of the single people out there.

So, I guess I ended up doing what I hate for others to do, bitch about Valentine's Day. Which is understandable considering that every time I signed on to my AOL email this week, I was asked "who will you be spending valentines day with" and then an ad for AOL singles (where I can apparently find the love of my life) popped up. And then there was the fact that it looked like Valentines Day pucked all over my aol account, filled with lots of pink, hearts, and "I love you" . Actually,maybe AOL is the reason I am somewhat bitter. Fuck you AOL!! I am going to shut down my email account.

But whatever, I am a cynical, sarcastic, look at the glass half full, 19 year old with nothing better to do on Valentines Day night, but bitch. Maybe next year things will be different (probably if pigs fly, the apocalypse comes, the mole people emerge from the center of the earth, the boogey man comes out of my closet, big foot and the yeti expose themselves to the public, the loch ness monster comes out of hiding or hell freezes over), or I will be once again sitting, on my couch, eating the candy my parents sent me, watching a love story, and bitching about something.

Yesterday I came to the conclusion....

that my life is shit....

now time to fix that, whether it means
1.going to a school that will make me happy
2.surrounding myself with friendly, nice, yet truthful people
3.taking charge of life
4.finding the happiness in the everyday
5.focusing on today, and how to make it better, and not worrying about tomorrow

Questions

1. I wonder if Jesus ever had a girlfriend?
2.Is it true some Chinese restaurants use rat me?
3.Is it possible to milk a rat? Because after all it does have mammary glands.
4.Who cam up with the stupid question, "if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one around to here it, does it make a sound"? They deserve to be shot.
5.How many possible snowflake shapes are there?
6.Why are pills certain colors?
7.Why is erectile dysfunction a real disorder and why does it matter?
8.Should old men still be having sex?
9.How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck had dentures?
10.Can you think of another stupid question?

The Question Everyone Should Ask Themselves

Why am I the Way I Am?

Swallowed in the Sea

For some reason I woke up with this song in my head this morning. Maybe due to the fact that I had a shitty night at I am unbelievably stressed. But for some reason this part stuck out in my head and kept repeating.

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive

Not loving all you see

Maybe it means something. Who knows?

Why I Should not Watch TV

1. I watch the biggest loser so I can feel better about myself and the fact that I am not morbidly obese, and can't exercise.
2. I watch to catch a predator to hear what creepy old men write to little children. The people that get to read the conversations aloud make my day.
3. When I watch the True Life's about drug users and alcoholics I feel better about myself.
4.I watch MADE just to laugh at the kids with all of these supposed problems, that giving them makeovers will solve.
5.U secretly wish I could be like the kids on South Park and curse out all authority figures, friends, and family members around me.
6."Lock Up" late nights on MSNBC makes me feel better about my life because at least I am in college, not jail.
7. I enjoy watching Jeopardy because I feel smart when doing so, however; when the questions get hard I have to change to channel, or I will drive myself nuts.
8. I adore the trashy reality tv shows that VH 1 airs. They are so redic, however; I feel that we all secretly wish one day we could let go of our lives, stick our middle finger to the world, and do crazy shit for all too see (and get put up in a nice house, possible win 250,000 and quite possibly get your own reality show.
9. The "reality" shows on TLC including personal faves Jon & Kate plus 8, Little People Big World, and the Duggars. The only reason I watch the Duggars is to get in a good laugh. Nothing is more funny than conservative Christian wierdos who have more sex and make more babies that bunny rabits.
10.I have an unhealthy addiction to sponge bob squarepants. Iknow, I'm 19 and enjoy watching a show about a sponge who lives underwater. It is amazing, give it a try.

Stifiling Creativity

For some reason my life has this habit of going wrong all at the same time. It is almost as if some external explosion occurs and I slowly come crashing down. Take for example this past week
Monday: Had a pretty fun weekend, back to the normal school bullshit
Tuesday: Snow, really pretty, makes me think of being younger, happiness
Wednesday:Assigned presentation, thought, "okay i can do this"
Thursday:Everything begins to pile up, so much to do
Friday:Second guessing whether or not I should be at this place that manages to suck all the life out of me
Saturday: Nervous breakdown because of all the crap I have to get done this week
Sunday:Realization that everything is going downhill, but it is a new week, a new beginning things will turn around right? I'll get my presentation done.
Monday:Presentation...completely bombed because my professor really didn't listen to my ideas or even give me a chance to explain myself. She went off on a completely different topic. Are you fucking serious?!?!? This presentation was supposed to be about something I pulled out of the reading, the Islamic law code was too apparent, so I opted for the role of women in society; and then you are going shut me down. Seriously? Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened at this god awful place. My professor I had freshman year did the same thing. He said, "you are a great writer, but you have very unconventional ideas". "Unconventional", sorry I don't fit into your conventions and I think outside the box. This is fucking academia...there are supposed to be new ideas. Sorry, I didn't know here at Penn you stifle creativity.

Snow

It's 3am, and I've been at the library since 7pm. When I had left my room it was snowing lightly. As I leave the library I looked outside the window, and there had to be about 3inches of snow. Walking outside bought back memories of when I was little, waking up and finding out school was closed, building snowmen, going sledding, and making snow angels. It was interesting because the city seemed so quiet, yet so alive. The only sound for miles were the snowflakes slowly falling and landing on the ground. When I got to Walnut Street, it was completely covered in snow, and although a few cars did slowly drive by, the snow would quickly come down and cover up the tracks. Although late at night, all of the city lights were on, creating a sort of artificial sunlight which was strange yet beautiful. Outside my building, instead of immediately running in, I just stood outside. At this moment, my troubles and worries didn't matter, I was in a zen like calm state. I probably could have stood outside for hours just admiring the beauty and basking in the sudden calmess that surronded me.

F Word

I hate the F word, especially when it comes from certain people. It can feel like a slap in the face or a punch that takes all of the wind out of you. Everything you used to like and enjoy in this person is gone. You are not sure if you can respect them in the same way. Or instead of holding a grudge and being hurt you can just move on with your life and eventually try and salvage the situation. But then comes the realization that the the whole context of the conversation was not that serious. And then, everything will be okay. However the F word I'm talking about is not the one your thinking of and the whole context of the above situation was pretty hilarious.

2am

so it's two in the morning..i think the clock on my blog is messed up...regardless i think i'm finally just going to ask about it...i honestly dont care if it ruins or friendship at all, but seriously?? i know ...i dont care..it's only a couple more months...and i really can't deal with this every weekend...

Things that Bother Me

Ok, so I don't have that many problems with you. You are an awesome person, but there is a lot of unnecessary baggage associated with you. Well that is just how I feel. I think the unnecessary baggage is draging you down as a person, and that you are so much better than that. But whatever. When it is over, you will come to realize what I mean. It might be bitchy, but I honestly care.

Another thing that pisses me off is people who totally rely on you, but whenever you need help they don't help you. That is called being fucking needy and selfish. Well maybe the "fucking" in the above sentence is a little to much. But seriously, aren't you supposed to help other people out? I help you alot, and it seems that most of the time the favor isn't returned. Now I'm not asking for you to return the favor, but sometimes a simple thank you would be nice. And please stop bitching about life and the future. In the end we are all fucked and destined to die anyway, and I have problems in the present to deal with before I even get to the future.

You would think the ability to hold a decent conversation would be universal right? There is no need for you to list things and categorize things. I enjoy talking to you for the simple fact that we are pretty good friends. The conversation starts to get completly boring when the categorizing and listing starts. And then there is the total lack of self confidence on your part, which isn't necessary at all. Because honestly you are a really nice person and should have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself and you will go far.

Blood is thinker than water right? At times I feel that way. But other times I think, what the fuck? But I really don't have that many problems with you, minus the bitcy attidue, mean remarks, and the sometimes belief you are better than me; it's always good. I mean there was a point when I looked up to you, and in ways I wish I still did. You are pretty much half of what I always wanted to be, but never took the chance to try. And maybe that is the reason that you ended up how you are now, which is not a bad thing. It's this liberated person who could give a lesser shit about certain bothersome things in life. And don't we all kind of what to achieve that status at some point.

Honestly, you are a pretty weak person and don't know what you want in life. I mean you are almost ** that means you should have a clue of where you are going or what you want to be. Honestly, are you waiting for a personal invitation to start your life? You've had the past ** years to do so, what are you waiting for. You can't blame it on anyone but yourself, mental illness?!? that is what you want everyone to believe, it is you inactivity and not wanting to speak up that got you to this point. Maybe one day when you are like 50, alone, and with 30 cats you will realize how much of your life you wasted away. Then there will either be a sense of regret, or you will go and try to live out your life. Because honestly, it is your choice as to what you want to do. So, times a ticking, make a choice.

So last night I was talking to one of my friends about my life. Our conversation pretty much came down to the fact that I have no clue what I want in life. So to fix this remedy, my friend said I should go to a quiet place, sit, and reflect on my life. So in my life, quiet never comes. So I thought I would try to do this while washing dishes and listening to Jason Mraz. I kinda got somewhere, but not where I wanted to go. I mean truthfully I did realize what holds me back in life, the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I want to be.

What I learned was sitting down and thinking about who you are is pretty scary. I mean you pretty much have yourself to blame. Wait why am I saying "you". I pretty much have myself to blame. I almost feel that at points my life is pretty stagnated. Obviously days and weeks go buy, but I feel as if I never grow as a person; for fear of what though? Who knows? But maybe that should be my new year's resolution; figure out who I am as a person and live life to the fullest. Because as my friend said, you have only one life to live and you might as well live it because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Jobs I've Always Wanted

Silhouetted dancer in one of the old iPod commercials.
How cool would that be. My friends and I had always wanted to stage our own iPod dance off on the metro on our way home from school. I could only imagine the looks we would get.

Personal Shopper
So I might have awful style, but I can sure as hell picck out nice clothes for others to wear. Plus, if I got paid to do it and ritzy boutiques, my life would be complete.

Aucostic Guitar Player
I have played both the violin and viola, which have to be two of the boringest instruments ever. Okay, maybe electric versions of the two instruments are pretty cool. But with guitar you can sing, write cool songs about people and things you like ot hate.

Comedian
I guess I can be funny, and tell funny jokes. Maybe? I would just probably sit on stage and bitch about people and things that annoy me.

My New Favorite TV Shows

Superstars of Dance
I know it sounds lame. But the Argentinian judge is such a bitch, the South African judge is soo flamboyant it's disgusting, and the Chinese judge can barely speak english and wears the same thing all of the time. All the Irish do is Irish dancing, it gets boring after a while. A crazy south African dancer was having an orgasm on the stage, and well all the Indian dancing looks the same to me. Also, I don't understand the host Michael Flatley. He was raised in Chicago by Irish parents, but has an Irish accent?!!?! As the ignorant say, "this is america, speak american". j/k But I would still enjoy and explanation of his accent.

The Biggest Loser
I like this show because it makes me feel better about myself. At least I am not obese with 50% body fat. The show really makes me want to go for a run. Like after the show last night I wanted to run a marathon. But honestly I hope the people on the show are able to loose the wieght.

Parking Wars
This show follows the daily lives of the Philadelphia Parking Authority. I never knew all the shit the Parking Authority deals with. I kinda want to be on the show. Here is my plan, I am going to rent a car, drive down to Center City, double park, and wait to get on the show. I think it is so nice how they put your parking ticket in a nice little envelope. In the DMV they just throw the ticket on the car, and you pray to god the ticket does not fly off your windshield.

Drake and Josh
I know this show is catered toward a younger crowd, but I find the show hilariouis. Although nowhere close to reality, their antics are hilarious. Although I think the show is canceled, I enjoy the reruns.

Gladiators
This is the British version of American gladiators, and is on BBC. I kinda cannot take the gladiators seriously because they try to sound scary, but yet a proper little english voice comes out. I swear to god British people sound smart as hell, even if they are dumb as fuck. Like I bet if Amy or Russell Brand were to sit down and read out of my Chemistry book, they would sound so smart.