Snow

It's 3am, and I've been at the library since 7pm. When I had left my room it was snowing lightly. As I leave the library I looked outside the window, and there had to be about 3inches of snow. Walking outside bought back memories of when I was little, waking up and finding out school was closed, building snowmen, going sledding, and making snow angels. It was interesting because the city seemed so quiet, yet so alive. The only sound for miles were the snowflakes slowly falling and landing on the ground. When I got to Walnut Street, it was completely covered in snow, and although a few cars did slowly drive by, the snow would quickly come down and cover up the tracks. Although late at night, all of the city lights were on, creating a sort of artificial sunlight which was strange yet beautiful. Outside my building, instead of immediately running in, I just stood outside. At this moment, my troubles and worries didn't matter, I was in a zen like calm state. I probably could have stood outside for hours just admiring the beauty and basking in the sudden calmess that surronded me.

F Word

I hate the F word, especially when it comes from certain people. It can feel like a slap in the face or a punch that takes all of the wind out of you. Everything you used to like and enjoy in this person is gone. You are not sure if you can respect them in the same way. Or instead of holding a grudge and being hurt you can just move on with your life and eventually try and salvage the situation. But then comes the realization that the the whole context of the conversation was not that serious. And then, everything will be okay. However the F word I'm talking about is not the one your thinking of and the whole context of the above situation was pretty hilarious.

2am

so it's two in the morning..i think the clock on my blog is messed up...regardless i think i'm finally just going to ask about it...i honestly dont care if it ruins or friendship at all, but seriously?? i know ...i dont care..it's only a couple more months...and i really can't deal with this every weekend...

Things that Bother Me

Ok, so I don't have that many problems with you. You are an awesome person, but there is a lot of unnecessary baggage associated with you. Well that is just how I feel. I think the unnecessary baggage is draging you down as a person, and that you are so much better than that. But whatever. When it is over, you will come to realize what I mean. It might be bitchy, but I honestly care.

Another thing that pisses me off is people who totally rely on you, but whenever you need help they don't help you. That is called being fucking needy and selfish. Well maybe the "fucking" in the above sentence is a little to much. But seriously, aren't you supposed to help other people out? I help you alot, and it seems that most of the time the favor isn't returned. Now I'm not asking for you to return the favor, but sometimes a simple thank you would be nice. And please stop bitching about life and the future. In the end we are all fucked and destined to die anyway, and I have problems in the present to deal with before I even get to the future.

You would think the ability to hold a decent conversation would be universal right? There is no need for you to list things and categorize things. I enjoy talking to you for the simple fact that we are pretty good friends. The conversation starts to get completly boring when the categorizing and listing starts. And then there is the total lack of self confidence on your part, which isn't necessary at all. Because honestly you are a really nice person and should have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself and you will go far.

Blood is thinker than water right? At times I feel that way. But other times I think, what the fuck? But I really don't have that many problems with you, minus the bitcy attidue, mean remarks, and the sometimes belief you are better than me; it's always good. I mean there was a point when I looked up to you, and in ways I wish I still did. You are pretty much half of what I always wanted to be, but never took the chance to try. And maybe that is the reason that you ended up how you are now, which is not a bad thing. It's this liberated person who could give a lesser shit about certain bothersome things in life. And don't we all kind of what to achieve that status at some point.

Honestly, you are a pretty weak person and don't know what you want in life. I mean you are almost ** that means you should have a clue of where you are going or what you want to be. Honestly, are you waiting for a personal invitation to start your life? You've had the past ** years to do so, what are you waiting for. You can't blame it on anyone but yourself, mental illness?!? that is what you want everyone to believe, it is you inactivity and not wanting to speak up that got you to this point. Maybe one day when you are like 50, alone, and with 30 cats you will realize how much of your life you wasted away. Then there will either be a sense of regret, or you will go and try to live out your life. Because honestly, it is your choice as to what you want to do. So, times a ticking, make a choice.

So last night I was talking to one of my friends about my life. Our conversation pretty much came down to the fact that I have no clue what I want in life. So to fix this remedy, my friend said I should go to a quiet place, sit, and reflect on my life. So in my life, quiet never comes. So I thought I would try to do this while washing dishes and listening to Jason Mraz. I kinda got somewhere, but not where I wanted to go. I mean truthfully I did realize what holds me back in life, the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I want to be.

What I learned was sitting down and thinking about who you are is pretty scary. I mean you pretty much have yourself to blame. Wait why am I saying "you". I pretty much have myself to blame. I almost feel that at points my life is pretty stagnated. Obviously days and weeks go buy, but I feel as if I never grow as a person; for fear of what though? Who knows? But maybe that should be my new year's resolution; figure out who I am as a person and live life to the fullest. Because as my friend said, you have only one life to live and you might as well live it because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Jobs I've Always Wanted

Silhouetted dancer in one of the old iPod commercials.
How cool would that be. My friends and I had always wanted to stage our own iPod dance off on the metro on our way home from school. I could only imagine the looks we would get.

Personal Shopper
So I might have awful style, but I can sure as hell picck out nice clothes for others to wear. Plus, if I got paid to do it and ritzy boutiques, my life would be complete.

Aucostic Guitar Player
I have played both the violin and viola, which have to be two of the boringest instruments ever. Okay, maybe electric versions of the two instruments are pretty cool. But with guitar you can sing, write cool songs about people and things you like ot hate.

Comedian
I guess I can be funny, and tell funny jokes. Maybe? I would just probably sit on stage and bitch about people and things that annoy me.

My New Favorite TV Shows

Superstars of Dance
I know it sounds lame. But the Argentinian judge is such a bitch, the South African judge is soo flamboyant it's disgusting, and the Chinese judge can barely speak english and wears the same thing all of the time. All the Irish do is Irish dancing, it gets boring after a while. A crazy south African dancer was having an orgasm on the stage, and well all the Indian dancing looks the same to me. Also, I don't understand the host Michael Flatley. He was raised in Chicago by Irish parents, but has an Irish accent?!!?! As the ignorant say, "this is america, speak american". j/k But I would still enjoy and explanation of his accent.

The Biggest Loser
I like this show because it makes me feel better about myself. At least I am not obese with 50% body fat. The show really makes me want to go for a run. Like after the show last night I wanted to run a marathon. But honestly I hope the people on the show are able to loose the wieght.

Parking Wars
This show follows the daily lives of the Philadelphia Parking Authority. I never knew all the shit the Parking Authority deals with. I kinda want to be on the show. Here is my plan, I am going to rent a car, drive down to Center City, double park, and wait to get on the show. I think it is so nice how they put your parking ticket in a nice little envelope. In the DMV they just throw the ticket on the car, and you pray to god the ticket does not fly off your windshield.

Drake and Josh
I know this show is catered toward a younger crowd, but I find the show hilariouis. Although nowhere close to reality, their antics are hilarious. Although I think the show is canceled, I enjoy the reruns.

Gladiators
This is the British version of American gladiators, and is on BBC. I kinda cannot take the gladiators seriously because they try to sound scary, but yet a proper little english voice comes out. I swear to god British people sound smart as hell, even if they are dumb as fuck. Like I bet if Amy or Russell Brand were to sit down and read out of my Chemistry book, they would sound so smart.