#2

I am extremely self-conscious...this may be due to the fact that I have a very attractive sister or a handsome brother, and I am just blah. I feel like this all started when I was little and my parents constantly telling me I would get fat one day, (umm and cause of that I lost like 20 pounds in 8th grade by practically starving myself...happy mom and dad) and they continue to do it today. However, that did not fix my problems because I still felt like shit about myself. Sadly that has carried on until today. So I know I have kinda let myself go over the past couple months (which is partially due to me hurting my foot in april and not being able to run for three weeks when I had previoulsy been clocking 21-25 miles a week), and I know I need to fix that. And I will. However, riding my ass about it and making sly comments about it *cough cough dad* does not make things better. Another thing is my face... I swear to god I have the acne of a 14 year-old. Which because of years of popping zits and pimples has resulted in my forhead looking like the craters on the moon. Right about now, the only thing that will fix that is some heavy duty laster treatments, which I willl never cough up the money for, so I guess I will have to live with it. The thing is I am fine with it, it is not like I am trying to impress anyone. I guess now I need to focus more on impressing and being true to myself and then begin to give a shit about what other people think of me.

It is pretty funny (or quite possibly very sad) that I can see the attractiveness of everyone around me, but not of myself. I really do not think there is any attractiveness in me (I know self-gloating). Or maybe it is that attractiveness is an internal trait caused by you feeling good about yourself. And then this "warm fuzzy feeling" would become apparent in your everyday, and people would notice. Wow, I think I just solved all of my problems. Well not really, cause I guess I would have to inact these new found revalations.

#1

This summer I feel like I have begun to learn more and more about myself. For some weird reason I always have these reflections while eating a plum, showering, or Wikipediaing (or is it Wiking or maybe just Wiki) random stuff. So maybe this will be a summer installment.

#1 I am a very selfish person
Okay, I don't mean selfish like I won't share my laptop, iPod, or money with you; I mean selfish as in I enjoy my time and don't want to share it with others. This is probably the reason I have very few friends (possibly?). But I feel bad for my friends who do have to deal with all of my shit (i.e. Not returning their phone calls or ignoring them on facebook chat). I really love you guys, and you know it. Okay but honestly my time is what I value, even if this time is spent alone, sitting in my floor. I am content with that. I do not always neeed to be ripping and running or hanging out with people. I know I might be pissing away my life slowly and alone, but I'm fine with that. However others, especially my parents, seem to hate that fact. Why, you may ask. Maybe they think I am a lonely friendless person? Or coul it be the fact that when they were my age they lived active social lives (I'm pretty sure by the time my mom was 20, she had already met my dad). Wow, if my mom had met her future husband by the time she was 20, I am way behind the 8-ball. Who knows. But the bottom line is I am almost 75% content with the somewhat intersting (which others might view boring) way that I live my everyday. Of course it would be cool to change it, and add in some crazy adventures, but for now, I will live in the boring day to day, that is my everyday. While I may not be exstatic about my everyday,I am sure as hell content with it.

Hmmm....I wonder how many times I used content in this thing.

Content

I might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'm still have my place and have yet to break.

Day 1 of Dealing with Children

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO

At least I am not 6'1'' and a 300 pound fatass....lmao

Uggggh

courtney + physics = extremely epic failure

Life Lesson #38

Never constantly be more that 1 hour late to meetings that you plan yourself (and when you get to the meeting late give some lame excuse). It gives your employees a reason to talk about you behind your back and dislike you.

FML

Today i left work early and was too lazy to take the stairs, and instead rode in the elevator, which then proceeded to get stuck. After waiting for fifteen minutes, the fire department/ maintenance people pried open the elevator doors. This thing started a 3:40 (i was leaving work 20 minutes early), by the time I got out of the elevator and walked through the front doors it was 4pm. If i had taken the stairs, I most likely would have been out of the building by 4:30. FML

:'(

courtney + physics = epic failure