#2

I am extremely self-conscious...this may be due to the fact that I have a very attractive sister or a handsome brother, and I am just blah. I feel like this all started when I was little and my parents constantly telling me I would get fat one day, (umm and cause of that I lost like 20 pounds in 8th grade by practically starving myself...happy mom and dad) and they continue to do it today. However, that did not fix my problems because I still felt like shit about myself. Sadly that has carried on until today. So I know I have kinda let myself go over the past couple months (which is partially due to me hurting my foot in april and not being able to run for three weeks when I had previoulsy been clocking 21-25 miles a week), and I know I need to fix that. And I will. However, riding my ass about it and making sly comments about it *cough cough dad* does not make things better. Another thing is my face... I swear to god I have the acne of a 14 year-old. Which because of years of popping zits and pimples has resulted in my forhead looking like the craters on the moon. Right about now, the only thing that will fix that is some heavy duty laster treatments, which I willl never cough up the money for, so I guess I will have to live with it. The thing is I am fine with it, it is not like I am trying to impress anyone. I guess now I need to focus more on impressing and being true to myself and then begin to give a shit about what other people think of me.

It is pretty funny (or quite possibly very sad) that I can see the attractiveness of everyone around me, but not of myself. I really do not think there is any attractiveness in me (I know self-gloating). Or maybe it is that attractiveness is an internal trait caused by you feeling good about yourself. And then this "warm fuzzy feeling" would become apparent in your everyday, and people would notice. Wow, I think I just solved all of my problems. Well not really, cause I guess I would have to inact these new found revalations.