xoxoxo courtney

[insert scream here]

2010-07-31T13:33:00.001-04:00

although i need to stay away...i keep coming back for more

3am on a sunday

2010-07-25T03:11:00.003-04:00

3am on a sunday...i realized that i haven't coped with stuff from the past

when i was 10 my grandad died of lung cancer...tonight i realized ive never really coped with that

when i was little my sis and i would always spend so much time with our grandma and "pop pop"

he always would show us tons of movies...i remember always watching who framed roger rabbit at his house along with this barbie movie which i swear to god i had seen like 1 million times

also him and my grandma would take us to this barn that was at the entrance to their community...we would also walk to a park that was a little hike from their house...the two of them would pull us along in a red wagon that they had

in addition we would always cook delicious things with grandma...ranging from bread and brownies to delicious ham and yummy veggies

on saturday nights we would go over their house for sleep overs.....sunday morning we would always wake up to the smell of fresh belgium waffles and with strawberries and whip cream on the top....she would always serve him first...then my sister and i would get at the waffles

also we would garden together...i remember the huge elephant ears that she grew in her backyard, along with sunflowers, and every type of vegetable imaginable

there was also a pool not to far from where they lived...every summer we would get a membership and spend our sunday afternoons swimming there...one of the pictures at his funeral was all of us in the pool (it was taken by the lifeguard at the top of her chair)

he also had this white convertible that i remember had a blue interior....he would always give us rides in it....it was always fun to ride in it after spending the afternoon in the pool

you could say that when i was little i spent tons and tons of time with him and my grandma...just cause it was always fun and was a way to escape from the parents for a bit

also when my lil bro was born...him and my grandma came to our house in the middle of the night to tae us to their house...on the ride over...they told my sister and i (both of us who were in and out of sleep) that my mom had gone to the hospital and that i would most likely have a new sibling the next day

more importantly they had always been like second parents....from when i was born up until i was a couple years old my dad was in medical school and my mom was finishing up her masters degree and working at children's hospital...this meant they were pretty busy so grandma and pop pop would always watch my sister and i

**********************

so when i was 10 he died of lung cancer

years later my dad told me that pop pop had been a heavy smoker but quit when my sis and i were little cause we spent so much time with them (plus having a dad as a doctor you knew pop pop would not smoke around his grandkids)

the cancer definitely took a lot away from him...and left him a shell of his former self

one of the memories i have from that time is that last time i saw him

we had gone to my grandmas house for dinner....she made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner that day...we had been watching the news and more specifically a story about the pastor of our church and how he was turning around the school associated with the parish

pop pop was sitting is his lazy boy chair...which was basically his throne (now that i think of it my grandma no longer has that chair) like a said before he was def a shell of his former self

eventually dinner came to an end....and we said our goodbyes (now that i think of it i have no clue if i said "i love you" on the way out)

on our car ride home...i remember my mom telling us that tonight was probably one of the last times we would be seeing pop pop cause he was getting really sick...those words from my mom have stuck with me forever....i remember being really upset and distraught on my way home...but of course i tried to show no emotion because at the time my mom seemed pretty stoic...and my sis rarely showed emotion and i was scared she would judge me if i just burst out crying

the day before easter (4/22/2000) he died...i remember this vividly because we had been planning to go to florida for spring break the next day...basically my mom told us that he had died

i remember being really distraught about this because thinking back to it...he was the first person in my life to die (or let me rephrase that...the first person i had memories of and had formed a relationship with)

well my bro was 5 at the time...so he had knew pop pop but not that well....and well my sister never really showed any emotion....i was def the emotional mess of a child....so my parents sat me down and basically said he was in a better place now...because basically the cancer had been making his life miserable and a living nightmare

at the funeral i remember crying a lot....i didn't want to look at the casket at all....i remember crying a ton...and my mom told my family members that i was really upset by his death...even as i type im crying

***************

so after the death and all my relationship with my grandma changed...

i was afraid to go to the house i had once loved...because i thought it would be haunted or something

also my grandma was still visibly upset...i remeber at church during the time before receiving the eucharist ( a quiet time for reflection) she would always start crying....i would always turn away when i saw her tears cause it would make me really sad and start on the verge of crying...

for some reason...his death just caused a rift in the relationship with my grandma...i didnt go over as much....my phone calls to her stopped...there was no more gardening, sewing, art projects or cooking....

my parents always encouraged me to go over....on nights when my dad would be on call at the hospital...my mom, sis, bro and i would head over to my grandmas house for like a mega sleep over....i would always be to scared to sleep in the room with my grandma...so i would opt to sleep in the guest room with my lil bro

***************

now a days when i see her i always feel bad

she constantly tells me "not to be a stranger" and to call whenever

my parents constantly get on me about the whole not calling her.....

one day my mom said "at your grandmas funeral you shouldnt cry....because you no longer have relationship with her...and you act like you don't want one"...her saying that really hurts....because honest to god i WANT a relationship with her...its just...after pop pops death i let things change and didnt open up to people....

i know its not to late to change things....but its just hard....

*********************

sometimes i wonder what he would think of the person that ive become

im hoping he would be proud of my accomplishments...but i know he would be upset by the fact that the relationship with me and my grandma has faltered......

i really can't believe he has not been here for 10 years......and that the relationship i have had with my grandma has been a horrible train wreck for the past 10 years

xoxoxo courtney

This is

2010-07-20T18:31:00.002-04:00

Insanely Hard (check)

Loosing Battle (check)

Will make me a stronger person (check)

Damn

xoxoxo

courtney

Friends

2010-07-17T16:45:00.001-04:00

Sometimes friends can text the right thing at the right time...

Gotta love them for that...

xoxoxo courtney

Life Sucks...

2010-07-12T18:33:00.004-04:00

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

--The Fray

xoxoxo

courtney

When I was LIttle

2010-07-11T13:30:00.004-04:00

Although I don't really remember much....

In first or second grade, I wrote a STORY (during creative writing time) about a bank being robbed.

At the END of the story, I wrote that I died and no one cared/ missed me.

Because of the STORY my mom had to meet with my teacher and later sat me don at home for a talk.

She said that her, dad, morgan and the rest of the family loved me and WOULD care if I died.

They made me throw away my NOTEBOOK and my teacher gave me a brand new red one.

So I guess you could argue that I have always been a sad ANXIETY filled sometimes depressive individual.

But, I try and FIGHT through it.

Although somedays I might not feel like getting out of bed and TACKLING life, I do.

PILLS would probably make my life a billion times easier.

However that WON'T happen.

Because, somewhere deep inside me I believe that I can fight the sadness, anxiety, and lack of motivation by MYSELF.

It's a battle that will not be WON today, tomorrow, the next day, or the day after that.

For me it will probably be a life long battle to LOVE myself.

But I feel that I CAN make it.

And I guess if I don't, at least I will always know that I TRIED.

xoxoxo courtney

In the End

2010-07-10T13:59:00.002-04:00

Sometimes in life you get what you want....

But you realize what you received has tons of strings attached.....

In the end it might just be better to let go....

Which is def the hardest part....

For a while you might feel the hurt and pain....

The silver lining....

You grew as a person....

And now, you're ready to tackle the next thing life throws at you....

xoxoxo

courtney

....

2010-03-09T22:43:00.002-05:00

It's been a while.....

It wouldn't be possible to sum up the past couple months of my life....so I won't....I'm just going to start from here and go forward....

xoxoxoxo courtney

Stop...please

2010-01-04T11:50:00.001-05:00

When people sit and bitch aloud about their lives as if waiting for you to comment or console them...btw I won't

xoxoxo

New Years Resolutions

2009-12-31T13:43:00.001-05:00

1) Start smoking

2) Gain 20lbs

3) Become an alcoholic

4) Sit on my ass

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Note to God

2009-12-19T23:46:00.000-05:00

Dear god....

i know we haven't talked in a while....but if you can um....help me pass this orgo test...i'll take back every mean, sarcastic, and sacrilegious thing i have ever said about you or religion in general....k thanks

xoxoxo courtney

...ps did i ever say how cool you are

Finals = BLAH

2009-12-18T11:09:00.001-05:00

Finals =

sleep deprivation

unhealthy eating

blending of days

TONS of coffee

Honesty...

2009-12-11T23:13:00.001-05:00

Honestly, if everything were to end tomorrow, I don't think I would be that upset....

Possible Story of my Life

2009-12-10T11:39:00.001-05:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/09/AR2009120904546.html

Great Words

2009-12-06T00:41:00.002-05:00

"The unexamined life is not worth living".

-Socrates

24 hours of positivity

2009-12-05T13:33:00.002-05:00

So starting last night a little after midnight, I decided to spend the next 24 hours being a positive person. So usually I list things that annoy me, why I hate my life, or things I hate. Instead today, I am going to write about the things in like I enjoy.

1. Sunny days

2. My room

3. Running along the Schuylkill river

4. Light dusting of snow

5. VM, FK, MY, LW, AH and the other people I got to know while at SJC

6. Chipotle burritos (def with extra rice)

7. Dunkin Donut Latte's....why pay more for a cup with a mermaid on it

8. Driving in the car alone and singing aloud to the radio, despite the fact that the people next to you might give you funny looks.

9. Face to face convos with people

10. Penguins, koala bears, and wooly mammoths

Virus

2009-12-01T23:54:00.001-05:00

Virus on my computer the night before a research project is due = courtney wanting to jump off a fucking cliff. FML

FAIL

2009-12-01T01:45:00.000-05:00

courtney + orgo + 1:45am - drive = failure

Fear

2009-11-30T23:12:00.001-05:00

So I have this completely irrational fear of the unknown. It seems to manifest itself in my everyday life. Now how to combat this so I won't ruin things?

Rob Thomas = Amazing

2009-11-29T13:13:00.002-05:00

Listing....Again

2009-11-28T18:46:00.002-05:00

Things I am Over

1.organic chemistry and science in general

2.fall semester junior year

3.spending my breaks doing work

4.not being able to run

5.hiding emotions

6.bipolar-ish people

7.chipotle burritos (although i will prob go there later this week)

8.writing/researching for my term paper

9.holidays

10.coming up with a 10th thing to say

101

2009-11-27T10:07:00.002-05:00

So far this past year I have posted over 100 things about my life. So I guess this will serve as a summary.

1)I hate yet love my life.

2)I hate Penn/ school is hard

3)I am hopeless in some areas of life, but I am okay at that.

4)I always talk about taking chances but I seldom take them.

5)I have a love hate relationship with my family

6)I'm pretty passive agressive

7)I ____ a _____ _______ on _______.

8)I believe in myself

9)I love watching trashy television on VH1

10)I don't think there are 10 things I can say about myself

1 hour and 2 min

2009-11-26T22:58:00.002-05:00

So as I'm writing this, I have 1 hour and 1 minute left until thanksgiving is over. So i think i've figured out what i am thankful for, my crazy sometimes psychotic somewhat dysfunctional family. To anyone I talk to, you have heard stories of my family and now that the above description is true. Despite the fact that sometimes I can't stand them and they annoy the living crap out of me, I still love them and want them in my life. Because honestly, they are the people who have been there for me the longest, and will always be there despite the fact I might screw up sometimes and not want to be around them. I know this is soo cliche....but it is true.

So happy turkey day...

Believe

2009-11-23T18:40:00.002-05:00

So I think I finally believe in myself. This past weekend I ran a marathon. The thing is I told no one about this for fear of people saying, "oh you can't do that" or "you def won't finish". I know this seems depressing but I actually have "friends" like that. Then I ran into my friend on my way back from picking up my stuff, and he basically said he BELIEVED that I could do it. That night I decided to run the whole thing, despite only at the most running 12 miles. We basically motivated each other through the 26.2 mile trek, we opened up to each other, and learned a lot out about it each other (I mean we were together for over 5.5 hours). So it took completely exhausting my muscles/ destroying my knees/ the possible stress fractures to get me to believe in myself. At the finish line we both basically broke down crying. Not because we had just exerted ourselves for 5.5 hours but because we had accomplished something we did not think was possible. So, to Lemuel, thanks for your motivation throughout the whole race. I WOULD NOT have finished at all. Maybe it has been my negative energy that has been holding me down for so long. I need to change that right away, and I mean maybe I need to move away from the friends who are negative/ who I feel don't really care about anyone but themselves. However, for once, it was great having someone say that I could do it, and that I would succeeded, and completely squashing my negative energy.

I feel that running this marathon was one of the most defining moments in college so far. I know 30 years from now I will always remember yesterday. I also hope 30 years from now the two of us will still be friends and still be running marathons.

I now have a new running/ marathon buddy. I can't wait to heal up and get back to running. We will most def be running Philly again in 2010, along with the long distance run a few months before that, and possible another marathon before that.

Impossible is Nothing

2009-11-22T14:44:00.001-05:00

I just ran the freaking Philadelphia Marathon...26.2 miles!!!!! Thanks to my friend Lemuel for keeping me motivated. Today proves that NOTHING is impossible. If I can run a marathon, anyone freaking can!

Lessons from Tomorrow

2009-11-16T18:57:00.002-05:00

It is not the clothes that make you look fat, it is the fact that you keep putting that fork/ spoon loaded with food into your mouth.

I came to this conclusion while staring at my reflection in the mirror and noticing that I have a very unflattering figure due to the excess amount of bad for me food that I eat.

Lessons from Tonight

2009-11-15T23:08:00.003-05:00

1.The flu is one of the top thing horrible things in the world

2.A plethora of cold medicines can cause hallucinations

3.Translating Arabic for an hour is as fun as having you toenails pulled out one by one

4.Some of the people you least expect are soulful and overall amazing

5.Three little birds can fix your day

Lessons From Last Night

2009-11-01T13:54:00.002-05:00

My tolerance is no where near where it used to be. Only the Philadelphia police would respond to a noise complaint, considering a bijillion things worse than drunk and loud college kids, were probably occurring all over the city.

Convo with mom

2009-10-31T17:14:00.001-04:00

Mom: So are you going out tonight

Me: I don't know, I might just stay in and study/ do work.

Mom: Well okay, but if you DO go out, be safe and have fun.

Is it that hard to believe that I might want to stay in and study on Halloween?

Good Day?

2009-10-30T20:29:00.001-04:00

It's funny how the little things can make your day.

???

2009-10-29T21:40:00.001-04:00

So apparently people no longer care what I say and feel obliged to speak for me. You can't even ask me how I feel? Seriously, I'm not five anymore. Or is it that your too afraid to ask because you already know the answer to your own question.

Metaphor

2009-10-27T21:28:00.000-04:00

Metaphorically, a lot of us need to grow some balls.

Ha

2009-10-15T01:13:00.001-04:00

Everything you say I am, I'm not.

12:01

2009-10-14T00:23:00.001-04:00

New Day...time to start over

Life Lesson #103

2009-10-13T14:10:00.001-04:00

Loosing faith in yourself in one of the worst feelings ever.

Please

2009-10-12T23:14:00.002-04:00

It is so simple. It will take about 10 minutes of your time. You already have what you need. Just do it, please.

Perspective

2009-10-11T20:26:00.003-04:00

I feel at times we all believe everything is gone and our lives are a pile of shit. Then something happens that can put life into perspective. So I might hate Penn, be stressed out by the classes, and had to work a couple extra hours today; but I guess all that matters is I am still here. This def can't be said for all. So RIP, you did so much good in the world. Thanks for being proud of me and giving me the attention I never wanted, but secretly enjoyed. You definitely spread your love to all, and will be missed by all too.

Blunt

2009-10-04T15:55:00.001-04:00

*Scream*

Decisions decisions decisions

2009-09-22T23:54:00.002-04:00

Jam to Michael Jackson v. Orgo

The choice is obvious

_____________________

2009-09-20T12:00:00.002-04:00

It ___________ when you _________ a __________ because some of those __________ are what you _______________ to occur in __________. But because _________ are _________ you know it will _____________ happen.

FML

2009-09-16T22:24:00.002-04:00

I've only been in school for a week and a half, it has felt like a bijillion years. May 2011 can not come any faster.

Tear Jerker

2009-09-04T16:40:00.003-04:00

Today in Borders, I opened up a MCAT test prep book and started to cry. FML

Pre-Sex Prayer

2009-09-02T17:23:00.005-04:00

Via lemondrop.com I found this strange/ interesting article. I'm really curious as to how many people would actually do this. They added an excerpt from the prayer:

It asks God "to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes."

Now how many people would actually do this. I think the last thing many people would want to invoke before sex would be god. How awkward would that be if you had a partner who was an atheist or Buddhist?

Here is the link to the full article:

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/09/03/catholic-church-offers-pre-coital-prayer/?icid=main|main|dl3|link5|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2009%2F09%2F03%2Fcatholic-church-offers-pre-coital-prayer%2F

Conversation with Dad

2009-08-29T10:49:00.003-04:00

The 3Oh!3 song "Don't Trust Me" is playing in the background.

Song: Shush girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
Dad: What does do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hair mean?
Me: (in my head) they said hips
*Awkward Silence*
Dad: Is it one of those young people things.
Me: Ummm, I don't know, I don't think it is supposed to make any sense.

I have found a reason to live!!!

2009-08-26T17:54:00.001-04:00

And his name is shopping penguin. When I grow up, I want to be exactly like him. Hopefully this is a boy penguin. I wonder how you tell the difference between a boy and girl penguin. Hmm I should prob google that.

Leave Michael Alone

2009-08-25T19:07:00.001-04:00

The man can't just rest in peace...can he. SMH

Dear....

2009-08-20T09:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Rednecks in the condo next door to us,

Barbecuing inside of your condo is a bad idea. The lighter fluid fumes you are creating will seep through the vents and into our house. Thus is why you are given a backyard. Please barbecue out there. If you need help, I will be more than willing to assist in the movement of your charcoal grill from inside your house (where it should not be located) to the backyard. Then you and your redneck buddies can barbecue as long as you desire.

Sincerely,
Your Loving Neighbor

bored...

2009-08-05T21:09:00.001-04:00

Can't
Overdue
Unless
Really
Trying
Nothing
Excepting
Yodeling

Tomorrow

2009-07-28T21:02:00.001-04:00

What I have to teach at work tomorrow will be an epic failure....FML

Compulsive Liar

2009-07-26T16:04:00.002-04:00

It's funny how you think you can know someone but you really don't. I have never really understood why people constantly lie about their lives and then rely on others to back them up. I mean, being a compulsive liar is not, let me repeat not attractive. It is actually pretty sad. Is your life seriously that boring? It can be, from an outsiders perspective I think you live a pretty cool life. But seriously lying about stuff such as your heritage, how much money you have, or the realness of your body is pretty sad. I bet people would still like you for who you are, even without the lies.

This song has been stuck in my head for a week

2009-07-20T20:53:00.000-04:00

I Hate...

2009-07-19T23:51:00.002-04:00

People who buy clothing for their dogs...seriously?!?!?! Put your money to better use.

Life Lesson #71

2009-07-17T18:03:00.001-04:00

Never ever in your existence work with children and teenagers, they are the spawns of satan.

Summer

2009-07-11T12:01:00.002-04:00

So I finally have my summer back. My class ended yesterday! I still have work everyday, but that should be easy. Now I am looking forward to laid back saturdays, nights on the deck reading, and relaxation.

Life Lesson #19

2009-07-09T20:14:00.001-04:00

If you ever wrong somebody, always apologize. It is the right and nice thing to do.

Today

2009-07-05T22:53:00.003-04:00

Today I figured out a majority of my life problems boil down to one simple thing...

and it only took me 19 years and 8months...(technically minus 2 days)

Which Way to Go

2009-07-01T06:11:00.000-04:00

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

#2

2009-06-28T23:21:00.002-04:00

I am extremely self-conscious...this may be due to the fact that I have a very attractive sister or a handsome brother, and I am just blah. I feel like this all started when I was little and my parents constantly telling me I would get fat one day, (umm and cause of that I lost like 20 pounds in 8th grade by practically starving myself...happy mom and dad) and they continue to do it today. However, that did not fix my problems because I still felt like shit about myself. Sadly that has carried on until today. So I know I have kinda let myself go over the past couple months (which is partially due to me hurting my foot in april and not being able to run for three weeks when I had previoulsy been clocking 21-25 miles a week), and I know I need to fix that. And I will. However, riding my ass about it and making sly comments about it *cough cough dad* does not make things better. Another thing is my face... I swear to god I have the acne of a 14 year-old. Which because of years of popping zits and pimples has resulted in my forhead looking like the craters on the moon. Right about now, the only thing that will fix that is some heavy duty laster treatments, which I willl never cough up the money for, so I guess I will have to live with it. The thing is I am fine with it, it is not like I am trying to impress anyone. I guess now I need to focus more on impressing and being true to myself and then begin to give a shit about what other people think of me.

It is pretty funny (or quite possibly very sad) that I can see the attractiveness of everyone around me, but not of myself. I really do not think there is any attractiveness in me (I know self-gloating). Or maybe it is that attractiveness is an internal trait caused by you feeling good about yourself. And then this "warm fuzzy feeling" would become apparent in your everyday, and people would notice. Wow, I think I just solved all of my problems. Well not really, cause I guess I would have to inact these new found revalations.

#1

2009-06-27T12:07:00.002-04:00

This summer I feel like I have begun to learn more and more about myself. For some weird reason I always have these reflections while eating a plum, showering, or Wikipediaing (or is it Wiking or maybe just Wiki) random stuff. So maybe this will be a summer installment.

#1 I am a very selfish person
Okay, I don't mean selfish like I won't share my laptop, iPod, or money with you; I mean selfish as in I enjoy my time and don't want to share it with others. This is probably the reason I have very few friends (possibly?). But I feel bad for my friends who do have to deal with all of my shit (i.e. Not returning their phone calls or ignoring them on facebook chat). I really love you guys, and you know it. Okay but honestly my time is what I value, even if this time is spent alone, sitting in my floor. I am content with that. I do not always neeed to be ripping and running or hanging out with people. I know I might be pissing away my life slowly and alone, but I'm fine with that. However others, especially my parents, seem to hate that fact. Why, you may ask. Maybe they think I am a lonely friendless person? Or coul it be the fact that when they were my age they lived active social lives (I'm pretty sure by the time my mom was 20, she had already met my dad). Wow, if my mom had met her future husband by the time she was 20, I am way behind the 8-ball. Who knows. But the bottom line is I am almost 75% content with the somewhat intersting (which others might view boring) way that I live my everyday. Of course it would be cool to change it, and add in some crazy adventures, but for now, I will live in the boring day to day, that is my everyday. While I may not be exstatic about my everyday,I am sure as hell content with it.

Hmmm....I wonder how many times I used content in this thing.

Content

2009-06-21T22:47:00.003-04:00

I might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I'm still have my place and have yet to break.

Day 1 of Dealing with Children

2009-06-15T23:32:00.000-04:00

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO

2009-06-14T22:44:00.001-04:00

At least I am not 6'1'' and a 300 pound fatass....lmao

Uggggh

2009-06-13T16:55:00.001-04:00

courtney + physics = extremely epic failure

Life Lesson #38

2009-06-11T06:13:00.002-04:00

Never constantly be more that 1 hour late to meetings that you plan yourself (and when you get to the meeting late give some lame excuse). It gives your employees a reason to talk about you behind your back and dislike you.

FML

2009-06-04T23:22:00.003-04:00

Today i left work early and was too lazy to take the stairs, and instead rode in the elevator, which then proceeded to get stuck. After waiting for fifteen minutes, the fire department/ maintenance people pried open the elevator doors. This thing started a 3:40 (i was leaving work 20 minutes early), by the time I got out of the elevator and walked through the front doors it was 4pm. If i had taken the stairs, I most likely would have been out of the building by 4:30. FML

:'(

2009-06-03T21:15:00.001-04:00

courtney + physics = epic failure

Currently

2009-05-30T15:42:00.001-04:00

I am broke
I don't get paid until the end of June
I guess I won't be hanging out with my friends for awhile.

Life Lesson #93

2009-05-29T20:39:00.001-04:00

Never pay your bus fare using a combination of nickels and dimes...it takes forever for the machine to process the coins and people on the bus get pissed of because the driver waits for you to finish and then closes the door and drives on.

No AC :'(

2009-05-25T15:43:00.003-04:00

The AC in the upstairs of my house is broken. Which means it is hot as hell. The last couple of nights have been filled with little sleep because of the god awful humidity in Maryland. My only option has been to open the widows, put the fan on highspeed, and think of the snowstorms in Philly this past winter. Luckily it is raining now = cool weather. So, I'm sitting in my room, windows open, listening to the thunder, and listening to the rain fall (well not really I have my iTunes blasting) and praying to god the wind does not shift dirrection and blow the rain into my room. However there is something calming about the current breeze and listening to the thunder in the background.

Accomplishments Thus Far

2009-05-23T18:38:00.001-04:00

[insert list here]

FML

Target

2009-05-18T10:55:00.003-04:00

Today I went to target, and while checking out the cashier gave me the strangest look. Okay so i was wearing a pair of over sized Westpoint sweatpants, a Hilton Head Island Sweatshirt with paint stains, and a pair of tennis shows. Or maybe it is because of what I bought: shaving cream, a pack of M&M's, and the new Green Day CD. How is that strange. I needed my music fix, I was hungry, and I need to shave my legs. Jeez

Classic

2009-05-17T12:59:00.002-04:00

Him and Richard Pryor were probably two of the best comedians ever. Today's talent has nothing on them.

...

2009-05-14T23:06:00.003-04:00

that is all I have to say

countdown

2009-05-08T16:48:00.001-04:00

I have yet to fail a final....
My scary comp. lit. prof actually gave me an A-....
Now, time to learn some history and Arabic...
then...

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

Relationships

2009-05-07T02:35:00.001-04:00

[put story here]

I'm almost 20.

FML

Yea!

2009-05-05T02:14:00.002-04:00

Yea finals! Yea caffeine addictions! Yea no sleep!

2009-05-04T15:20:00.003-04:00

In 2 hours and 39 minutes, I will be in hell aka my chem final exam. Fuck finals.

Life Lesson #51

2009-05-03T09:07:00.001-04:00

When you make a promise to someone, you need to keep it. Even if someone else is pressuring you to break it, you need to be steadfast.

FML

2009-05-03T00:39:00.002-04:00

I am currently sick...and have a final exam and paper due on monday...and another final on tuesday...FML

WTWCD

2009-05-01T19:20:00.003-04:00

When the World Comes Down has to be one of the best ways to describe my life over the course of the past week. Like a million things have happened to me and people I love an care about. Which really sucks, but then I realized, it's all apart of growing older. Shit happens. Now what you do with this shit is what matters; you can either use it as fertilizer and plant roses with it or wallow in it. For now, I am going to try and plant flowers, and make the best of things. I always know that I have 4 people I can tell anything to, and like always they will listen and help me through these shitty times.

Do the Stanky Leg?!?!?!

2009-04-25T20:36:00.001-04:00

My little brother made me aware of this new dance craze sweeping through our nation's middle schools and high schools.

I'm still not over him....

2009-04-24T01:58:00.002-04:00

T.I

amazing parody

Thank God

2009-04-22T21:59:00.003-04:00

Why I Can't Wait till Summer

2009-04-20T01:03:00.002-04:00

1.I will be back in my own room, in my house, in the middle of nowhere
2.I can sleep on my deck all day long
3.I can grill up some amazing ribs and bbq chicken
4.I get to hang with my lil bro/ go on crazy adventures with him
5.I get to chill with my amazingly cool friends who do more than drink their asses of, complain about their lives, or make themselves better than others.
6.I can hit up that awesome lil Chinese place in china town with Katrina
7.I'll spend all day running around various parts of DC, MD, and NoVa, only to end up in one of my friend's houses crashing and just watching a movie
8.I get to host/ go to cookouts!
9.I get to go back to Mississippi for the first time in like 5 or 6 years, just long enough to get into touch with my southern routes.
10.I'll be in the only place I've only ever known as HOME, with the 4 people who will love me despite my bad attitudes, constant failures, wanting to give up, and the fact I never call them.

Liver

2009-04-19T13:39:00.003-04:00

Dear Liver,
Thank you so much for holding up through three days of non-stop drinking. I promise you will get a break for the next couple of days. However, you must be in tip top condition for the end of classes. I love you so much and keep metabolizing alcohol for me.

Your biggest fan,
Courtney

Aversion to Listening

2009-04-18T18:59:00.004-04:00

What I've noticed about some of my friends here is that they have an aversion to listening. They have a tendency to sit, whine, and complain about their lives, relationships, one night stands etc. However, being the somewhat friendly person I am, I give them advice and listen, no matter how boring what they are saying might be, the amount of work I might have to get done, or the fact that I have heard the same story about a million times. However, when it is my turn to talk and bitch , they are quick to steal the fire and go back to talking about their life, start texting/ reading old text's on their phone, or saying be right back and going to talk to a group of their friends. But despite all the stuff they are doing, they are still "listening". So if I did the same thing how would you feel? Like really? It's just annoying hell. It kind of shows the self-centered nature possessed in everyone (my self-centeredness comes from writing a post bitching about this and you guys). Seriously, it shows a lot about both of our characters:

Me
-I am a pushover, because although I may be bored in the middle of your story, I remind you that I am interested, and despite the fact that I may have heard the story a million times or just don't care, I will pretend to.

You
-The fact that you enjoy listening to yourself bitch and moan is annoying. The fact that you only like to have your problems solved truly shows how self-centered you are.

So I always thought I had some true blue friends here, maybe I don't. I mean at least my friends from home will listen and give me a chance. It might just be the competitive selfish, cut throat nature of Penn, which drives us to be these self-centered assholes. Who knows

Life Lesson #28

2009-04-16T01:03:00.000-04:00

Surefire way to lose friends and alienate people...go out with a jackass

Countdown

2009-04-15T21:23:00.001-04:00

T-Minus 24 fucking hours till the best 3days of this whole damn semester.

Hahahaha

2009-04-14T23:55:00.000-04:00

Life Lesson #56

2009-04-13T22:13:00.000-04:00

Never learn a foreign language for fun.

Top 60 ghetto black names

2009-04-13T02:05:00.001-04:00

why is Courtney number 1?

Easter

2009-04-12T19:23:00.001-04:00

I actually got up and went to church this morning. Go Me! But as I was sitting by myself at church, I realized that I kinda sorta missed my family. And then I realized, Easter has evolved from a holiday of celebrating the resurrection to spending time with your family. Although I didn't go home mainly because I have a test on Monday combined with the fact I am not the biggest fan of religion and such, I should have gone home; just so I could be with 3 of the 4 people who will always understand and love me, regardless of how much I might screw up in life.

Pre-Med

2009-04-11T20:58:00.000-04:00

So being pre-med means you want to go to med school, right? Yeah
But the path to get there is hard as hell. You have to go to the best college, get the best grades (3.7 science 3.8 overall), you have to do scientific research, complete hundreds of hours of community service, and be involved in every extra curricular activity on the planet. However, if you are not able to achieve this, you spend four years in college extremely stressed, doubting yourself, and wanting to give up. So AMA, you have created a generation of quasi-suicidal over achieving ready to throw a friend under the bus generation of young people. They want to give up on their dreams because they can't get an A in that science class or might possibly get a B- (oh god) in calculus. How can you go to sleep at night. I am curious the number of college aged students who have committed suicide over something like grades or not being able to achieve these high standards that are set.

So the reason I am on this rant has to do with some of my friends. One of my friends is an engineer (who prob when he sees this will be like omg...you wrote about me lmao), another is a bio major, and final one is a former pre-med now econ major with dashed hopes and dreams because of the shitty advisors at this school. For starters, we are all in a similar boat and according to AMA there is no way in hell that our asses will get into a credible medical school in the United States. Regardless, we all have this passion and drive to be docotors. Maybe I couldn't memorize the fucking layers of a tree (I still don't know how this is relevant to being a doctor), or my friends wasn't the best at friction forces and trajectories, and my other friend just could never get blackbody radiation down, but at the end of the day we never gave up. So shouldn't that show something, Mr. AMA, we never fucking gave up. I feel like the determination and persevernce we put up, says alot. Hopefully in two years, we all will be heading off to medical school, because our respective med schools will see that over four years we never gave up, improved, and ultimaelty have the drive to be doctors.

Life Lesson #16

2009-04-10T23:41:00.001-04:00

You know you don't like someone, when you constantly have to convince yourself that you do.

Why I Shouldn't Drink

2009-04-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

So I have had a pretty shitty couple of weeks, always studying and never going out. So the other day I decided to go out and drink. That was a problem. After 2 mixed drinks, with about 2 shots of vodka per drink and 3 shots (which were made of this really tangy fruit stuff that went down soo smoothly),I was gone. The night included attempting to teach people to "Walk it Out", although I still don't understand what is so hard about it, and a one women dance show, to the likes of Brittany Spears and Beyonce. So after the party some of us go back to my friend's apartment and watch tv. I get tired, and tell my friend I just want to take a nap on their bed. Ha...I was out and woke up at 9:30 the next morning, only to find my friend sleeping on the couch.

Moral of the Story:
1. The aforementioned friend in this story is amazing for not kicking me out of their bed.
2.Lo siento
3.Last time I do tasty shots
4.I'm not drinking till Fling

My life as a tv pilot

2009-04-03T20:16:00.000-04:00

19 year young person who has her whole life with this fear of something which probably does not exist. Has a decent social life and a steady group of friends, a lot of whom are guys, but has a score of F- in the relationship department. After 4 years of being a somewhat semi-overachiever, she is accepted to an Ivy League University, which only destroys all her dreams, hopes, and aspirations and leaves her broken. After multiple failures and a tumultuous 2 years of colleges attempting to be a pre-med student, she tries to make the best of a bad situation, and attempts to enjoy the school she is stuck in and make the best of her life; although she will end up living in her parent's basement after graduating. Quite possibily, she will be a cat lady by age 26, while all her friends have amazing careers, are getting married, and or living amazing lives.

TGIF

2009-03-20T21:28:00.000-04:00

I made it to:

FRIDAY!

Where I Want to Be

2009-03-14T23:57:00.000-04:00

I don't know the answer to that. I sure as hell don't want to be in Philly at school. Home in MD is somewhat boring. But, until I graduate I really have no choice. I get to shuttle between these two places.

No Comment

2009-03-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

I'm back in the land where people...

2009-03-07T23:12:00.001-05:00

... don't wear spandex with short shirts to show off their unsightly figures
...insist on walking around in ugly sheepskin space boot looking things...aka UGGs
...not everyone has a those ugly single color bags with straps that range from beige-brown
...have blackberrys / iphones stuck to their face
...are chill, relaxed, and noncompetitive

i'm soo glad to be back in the DMV